9. Airline Food- People are flying all the time these days and the food on airplanes is terrible. It's about time we did something about this. The best solution is to start serving KFC mashed potatoes instead. This would be the single greatest bailout in history.
8. Kevin Costner- In Costner's Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves performance, he was the only actor NOT to attempt an english accent. It's that kind of brash leadership that we need to subsidize in our country. This guy deserves our tax dollars.
7. Non-Organic food- If non-organic fruits and vegetables fail, we will be relegated to buying fruits and vegetables with unrecognizable names from the health food stores and having to see all of those weird people who work there.
6. Myspace- This social networking page has been taken over by trashy teenagers, pedophiles and bad progressive rock bands. There is a reason people join facebook, it's to get away from these people.
5. Detroit Lions- I'm not sure there are any good reasons for bailing out this franchise other than the fact that the city of Detroit will most certainly see some grim days in the future.
4. Nickelback- These guys keep making really bad music and wearing really bad clothes and getting really bad haircuts. In this case perhaps we need to bail the world out from Nickelback.
3. Iceland- If Iceland collapses, we lose a couple of great bands, Sigur Ros and Bjork. Weird indie kids and depressed people everywhere would lose their minds.
2. The Liberty Tax service guy- When it's 10 degrees outside and snowing, this guy is dressed like the statue of liberty and gets paid $8.50 to wave at me while I'm on my way to work. He deserves a raise of about 8.25 billion dollars.
1. Count Chocula Cereal- The single greatest cereal ever made. It seems they tease us every couple of years and re-release this gem around halloween time. Economists and americans alike need to stand up for what's right and make this cereal available year round, every year.
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