Bob reviews different modes of communication

We live in the Information Age. Didn't know that? Wake up!

Chances are, if you don't know about the Information Age, a Chinese person has already taken your job. What is information with no way to communicate it? So here is my review of communicating.

Magazines - Magazines can be a great way to learn about the world. National Geographic is particularly great, as long as you don't get bogged down in an article (boring!). Celebrity gossip magazines such as US Weekly and sports magazines such as ESPN the Magazine are indispensable tools in navigating our complex modern world. The big downside of magazines: not many of us write for them, so it's hard to give your friends a shout-out.

Web 2.0 - Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YouTube, blogging. These are all great ways to keep tabs on current friends, friends you once cared about, awkward people who are trying to hang out with you, people you once dated, and girls you're stalking. And if it weren't for blogs, you wouldn't be reading this right now. This brings us to the next mode:

Meta-communication - Put simply, this is communicating about communication. Ever made a Facebook joke? That's meta-communcation, sir. In the postmodern world, self-referentiality is key. Wrap your head around it, because India already has.

Email - It's hard to imagine how anybody worked, lived, or delivered jilted rants at 3 am before email. I'm pretty sure that pre-1993 office workers accomplished nothing except planning Christmas parties.

Fax - Worthless technology. See "email."

Text messages - Texting is much maligned outside the realm of teenage Japanese girls, but face it, we all use it. Texting is a great way to communicate just the necessary facts without the inefficient etiquette of a phone call. In today's economy, efficiency is key. Texting can also be a great way to flirt with a person for whom a phone call would be too onerous.

Telephone - Another mode of communication that is going the way of the dinosaur. Phone conversations are notorious for lasting too long, being too intrusive, being filled with pressure, and betraying one's nervousness. The telephone is an awful form of communication.

Homing pigeon, telegraph, radio, sign language - These modes of communication are hopelessly outdated, but serve to remind us how inventive and silly humans can be when it comes to communicating.

MP3 - This piece of communication has singlehandedly gutted the most sinister industry in the world--the music industry. It also exposed Lars Ulrich as being a whiny baby. Napster was a celestial leap forward in the development of mankind, but unfortunately we were not ready for it, similar to how the early saints were not ready for the United Order.

Face to face - It's crazy, but some people have not grasped the full utility of electronically based communication. This forces the rest of us to have to speak to them in person. You still have to visit your grandma because she can't check her email without your cousin's help. Many unnecessary dates occur because of incompetent Facebook flirters. The upside of face-to-face communication: can segue into massages.